Roxilla

can you feel it...!

Well boys and girls, it is Thursday night, and that means that the weekend is finally almost in sight. It’s been a quick week in some ways, a long week in other ways. Having my sister down for a bit has been awesome, always forget how much I love having her around. Much as I miss her though, it was also kinda nice to get my flat back yesterday.

I have a really awesome weekend lined up, and to top off the happiness it’s a long weekend too – just another reason why women rock (guys, you can thank us later, hehe). Here are some of the things I am looking forward to…

* After work drinks to see off some soon to be former co-workers – this could only mean two things… frozen mangoritas and trouble! That’s one thing I will miss hugely when I leave, being right over the road from Cactus.

* More fun and mayhem with my very first wingchick. We used to eff shiz up in a big way when we were teenagers, now we are doing the same as grown ups. Gotta love that.

* Shopping on Saturday. Contrary to popular misconception, you actually can’t ever have too many dresses. Also, I need new jeans. Oh and a birthday present for a certain someone.

* Catch up with the ex. Blowing yet another misconception out of the water, I am all for being friends with exes (unless they are total assholes – even that can be forgiven in time). I don’t see the point in being petty about it, and if you don’t have any feelings anymore, no reason to not be friends, right?

* Series slumming Sunday. Or maybe I will finally get around to watching some of the horrors I’ve been hoarding. Or maybe I will just sleep the day away… who knows!

* Birthday party in the burbs. It’s my dear friend Chris Mills‘ birthday party on Sunday eve, so heading out to suburbia to shmooze with some of the local peeps. Dying to see his kittens too, hehe.

* Winging it Monday. I don’t have anything planned aside from a penciled in coffee date in the morning, and plan to pretty much see what Monday is all about and wing it.

Basically, all of my favourite things are covered in there somewhere – hot boys, Patron, mangoritas, parties, kittens, shopping, horror, winging it and chillax.

Can’t go wrong with that really, can I now!

…nah, not really. Today has been a Mehday in some ways, but I was wearing my favourite oversized sleeveless jersey, which has loads of silver sequins and a low-cut v-neck… amazing how people are unable to avoid smiling at you when you are a walking human mirror ball.

There has also been a lot to smile about lately – my sister is down from P-berg to stay with me a while, so have been able to get her onto the series slumming bandwagon, and I had my usual morning dose of Vida awesomeness (and my espresso in the morning and late afternoon) and it’s been a beeeautiful day in the city, I have a busy week lined up and a fun weekend waiting for me at the end of this week… just still in a bit of a dead zone on the work front though, although am slowly getting my brainz into gear to decide what I want do to with my life.

Anyway, enough reality talk for now. I have finally managed to get onto True Blood, and quite honestly, I have to say I love it more than Dexter even, and that’s saying a lot. Eric may not be Damon, but he’s hotter in some ways… nothing quite like a sexay evil vampire!

phwoar!

I really never thought I’d be into the whole vampire thing, but after Vampire Diaries and now True Blood, here I am, perving over the fanged ones like a teenage fan girl. Tragic. But still, True Blood is awesome and aside from the hot vampires, there’s also the brilliant plot and great filming.

And, because I am also a bit of a foreign horror fan girl too, I’m also very stoked to be getting Martyrs soon. This is a French horror, which means it is intense and insane… just the way I like my horrors!

The only problem now is how the heck I will find time to watch everything – from tomorrow on out, things are going to be flat out manic. Ah well, something to look forward to when the dust settles.

One day down, four more to go til weekend… bring.it.on!

P.S. Hello there August, nice to see you – let’s hope you aren’t going to screw me over like July did. Just sayin’.

Sometimes, being tough is a bitch. Being a drama queen too. Being both, often together, is quite another ball game altogether however – it’s no wonder that people tend to assume I’m either a) fine or b) stressing over nothing. Often, they are right… maybe I worry too much, and maybe I’m stronger than I think I am at the end of the day.

But there are times that I occasionally wish that I was the fragile soft type who people worried about and hugged. The type who could come out and say I needed help, or say that I’m not coping. The type that warranted big gestures and romantic plots, and maybe flowers too sometimes. The type who didn’t have to feel embarrassed or guilty for wanting support, or feel prickly when someone eventually does try and offer some. You know, that type. Much as I want to be that type, I’m the no settling, prickly, drama prone tough guy type. And quite honestly, that kinda sucks at times.

That saying about smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone is kinda true though – Cape Town especially is very much a fair weather friend, there with full smiles and fun during the good times, and mysteriously cold shouldered during the shitty times. You only need to be on Long Street a few weeks after the World Cup to see how true that is even the most literal of senses.

So I guess all we can really do is roll with the punches, enjoy those good times and have another Patron and make those moments last… and when the bad times creep in, you remember why you are that tough guy. You remember how much worse things have been, and how you’ve gotten past those times too. You don’t need your hand held, or a pity party. Lord knows you throw the best ones yourself anyway. You put on your big girl panties, and you man the fuck up and you look at your tattoos to remind yourself that you are not just tough, you are hardcore. And then you pour yourself a glass of wine, and cheer up.

You know, now that I really think about it, it’s not so bad being the tough type.

bubble of happiness

Today, I woke up feeling kinda happy. Despite another restless night of not so great sleep, and a vague sense of panic lurking behind the optimism and relief of things starting to get okay again, I still couldn’t stop humming as I got ready, smiling at my neighbours and the dustbin bergies and just feeling happy to be out in the sunshine on a beautiful Wednesday in Cape Town.

Reasons to feel good today…

* My external hard drive arrived this morning. It’s beautiful – smallish at 320GB, but sleek, black and slim… just the right size to easily fit into my handbag and store music, series, movies and other shiz. Love it.

* My drive is now chock-a-block full of stuffs. Loads and loads of music that I’m enjoying right at this moment, plus all sorts of series. Tomorrow I add a few avant garde hardcore horrors, amped!

* All my daily annoyances at work are evaporating. I simply take a deep breath, smile indulgently and stop caring. After all, it really doesn’t matter all that much.

* My flat is gloriously clean and calm thanks to Debra. I don’t know how I would ever survive without her, she manages to get everything ship shape, and entertain the kitten too. Cats love her, I love her… even my plants love her, seeing as how she’s the only one who waters them.

* The copy team had all sorts of fun throughout the day. I Write Like… was especially engrossing, nothing a writer likes better than sharing a style with a famous writer. Ok, Dan Brown and Kurt Vonnegut aren’t quite the same as Hunter S. or Murakami for me, but still – it’s something.

* I have all the ingredients for the ultimate state of zen. Shiraz, Jimi Hendrix, a microwave warmer thingy and Lindt Touch of Sea Salt chocolate. That my friends is pretty much all I could want at this very moment in time.

How was your day, and any Wednesday Wins to brighten things up?

this corner of the earth...

On the face of this I’m blessed
When the sunlight comes for free
I know this corner of the earth it smiles at me

~ Jamiroquai – Corner of the Earth

Sitting in my sister’s back garden (which is pretty much part of the mountain, in an overgrown field) on Sunday afternoon, with the sun streaming in and all the peace and quiet of Piketberg, I finally felt able to breath again. I hadn’t seen her since March or April, and it was only when we were away from the city and all its stresses that I realised how much these past few months have taken out of me and how GOOD it felt to be exactly in that particular spot in that particular moment.

Some rather big and scary decisions were recently faced, and after finally recovering from a serious bout of tonsillitis that left me feeling like a train wreck, not to mention an insane deadline, a bad case of the blues and some huge work stress, I realised a few things. One of the first and most important of these things is that I can never, ever do anything I’m meant to do – it is impossible for me to settle, it’s all or nothing with me, if I’m not feeling something then I have to do whatever it takes to get myself where I need to be. Stubborn Taurus to the end, basically. Also, there is a damn fine line between being brave and being foolhardy. I’m not quite sure where one ends and the other begins though, but anyway. I’ve never done anything the normal way anyway, and it’s not like I’m going to start now.

So that leaves me here, at yet another cross road in this epic journey. If ever I lived and breathed by my motto (life is the journey, not the destination) it is now… eish. If it wasn’t for Patron, espresso, my awesome mom, the friends who have gotten me out and kept me distracted, the ones who have patiently listened to my increasingly bleak woes over the past month, the ones who finally just told me to effing DO IT already (yes you doc, much as I know it was hard to say it) and the ones I have bailed on time and time again, because I was sick, miserable, deadline stricken or flat out slit my wrists exhausted… then I don’t know where I would have found the strength to get up and face the world. That is what support feels like – it’s not about expecting people to feel sorry for you or do something, it’s about getting off your ass and meeting people half way.

I honestly don’t know what lies in store next. I’m starting to level out at last, and I have an awesome hair cut and I have an awesome weekend ahead. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I am slowly feeling like I have found my feet again. Funny how it’s only then, when you feel that sense of regaining control, that you finally realise how close you have been standing to the edge.

Keeping me from that edge, it’s all about the little things right now…

* Espresso – in the morning and in the afternoon
* Vida double lattes
* Sweetie Pie chocolates at lunch
* Heavenly perfume
* Patron and distraction on Long Street
* Kings of Leon
* Dexter reruns
* Cheese spread on corn thins
* Woolies Chococcino milk and Fair Cape Hazelnut Latte
* Park Street moments like this and this
* Lunchtime missions in Lifestyles on Kloof with crazy co-workers
* Gossip Girl
* Law & Order
* My battered microwave warmer thing
* Feather duvets and marshmallow coloured bedding in pink and white
* Psycho analysis and epic Gtalk chats during the afternoon slump
* Red Bull to get me through the midnight hurdles
* Hot bubble baths
* Wine (red, white, sparkling – whatever!)
* Calling my mom for endless patience, support and advice
* Seeing Sonic relaxed and happy
* Watching the kitten do his hilarious water game thing on the kitchen floor
* Retail therapy
* Reconnecting with a very old, very awesome friend from the past
* Strange but cool compliments
* Updating my hair do
* New horizons and infinite opportunities
* Getting out of the city
* Post-deadline bliss!

One day at a time, and soon this biatch of a month will be over along with this slump.