That said, if you haven’t seen Vampire Diaries or seen what Ian Somerhalder looks like, take a look at this…

rocking the whole facial hair vibe

In the show, Damon is this uber hot badass vampire who is the brother of this geeky Dawson’s Creek type vampire. The geeky one is kinda arb and annoying, you end up wishing someone would accidentally on purpose splash some holy water on him, or steal his ’sunlight protector’ ring (yes, new age vampires have such things, who knew!) or just stake him in the heart or something, but Damon is pretty cool.

awesomeness

It’s like Gossip Girl with more blood and fangs, basically. And a super hot bad boy vampire. What’s not to like?

Sometimes, being tough is a bitch. Being a drama queen too. Being both, often together, is quite another ball game altogether however – it’s no wonder that people tend to assume I’m either a) fine or b) stressing over nothing. Often, they are right… maybe I worry too much, and maybe I’m stronger than I think I am at the end of the day.

But there are times that I occasionally wish that I was the fragile soft type who people worried about and hugged. The type who could come out and say I needed help, or say that I’m not coping. The type that warranted big gestures and romantic plots, and maybe flowers too sometimes. The type who didn’t have to feel embarrassed or guilty for wanting support, or feel prickly when someone eventually does try and offer some. You know, that type. Much as I want to be that type, I’m the no settling, prickly, drama prone tough guy type. And quite honestly, that kinda sucks at times.

That saying about smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone is kinda true though – Cape Town especially is very much a fair weather friend, there with full smiles and fun during the good times, and mysteriously cold shouldered during the shitty times. You only need to be on Long Street a few weeks after the World Cup to see how true that is even the most literal of senses.

So I guess all we can really do is roll with the punches, enjoy those good times and have another Patron and make those moments last… and when the bad times creep in, you remember why you are that tough guy. You remember how much worse things have been, and how you’ve gotten past those times too. You don’t need your hand held, or a pity party. Lord knows you throw the best ones yourself anyway. You put on your big girl panties, and you man the fuck up and you look at your tattoos to remind yourself that you are not just tough, you are hardcore. And then you pour yourself a glass of wine, and cheer up.

You know, now that I really think about it, it’s not so bad being the tough type.

bubble of happiness

Today, I woke up feeling kinda happy. Despite another restless night of not so great sleep, and a vague sense of panic lurking behind the optimism and relief of things starting to get okay again, I still couldn’t stop humming as I got ready, smiling at my neighbours and the dustbin bergies and just feeling happy to be out in the sunshine on a beautiful Wednesday in Cape Town.

Reasons to feel good today…

* My external hard drive arrived this morning. It’s beautiful – smallish at 320GB, but sleek, black and slim… just the right size to easily fit into my handbag and store music, series, movies and other shiz. Love it.

* My drive is now chock-a-block full of stuffs. Loads and loads of music that I’m enjoying right at this moment, plus all sorts of series. Tomorrow I add a few avant garde hardcore horrors, amped!

* All my daily annoyances at work are evaporating. I simply take a deep breath, smile indulgently and stop caring. After all, it really doesn’t matter all that much.

* My flat is gloriously clean and calm thanks to Debra. I don’t know how I would ever survive without her, she manages to get everything ship shape, and entertain the kitten too. Cats love her, I love her… even my plants love her, seeing as how she’s the only one who waters them.

* The copy team had all sorts of fun throughout the day. I Write Like… was especially engrossing, nothing a writer likes better than sharing a style with a famous writer. Ok, Dan Brown and Kurt Vonnegut aren’t quite the same as Hunter S. or Murakami for me, but still – it’s something.

* I have all the ingredients for the ultimate state of zen. Shiraz, Jimi Hendrix, a microwave warmer thingy and Lindt Touch of Sea Salt chocolate. That my friends is pretty much all I could want at this very moment in time.

How was your day, and any Wednesday Wins to brighten things up?

this corner of the earth...

On the face of this I’m blessed
When the sunlight comes for free
I know this corner of the earth it smiles at me

~ Jamiroquai – Corner of the Earth

Sitting in my sister’s back garden (which is pretty much part of the mountain, in an overgrown field) on Sunday afternoon, with the sun streaming in and all the peace and quiet of Piketberg, I finally felt able to breath again. I hadn’t seen her since March or April, and it was only when we were away from the city and all its stresses that I realised how much these past few months have taken out of me and how GOOD it felt to be exactly in that particular spot in that particular moment.

Some rather big and scary decisions were recently faced, and after finally recovering from a serious bout of tonsillitis that left me feeling like a train wreck, not to mention an insane deadline, a bad case of the blues and some huge work stress, I realised a few things. One of the first and most important of these things is that I can never, ever do anything I’m meant to do – it is impossible for me to settle, it’s all or nothing with me, if I’m not feeling something then I have to do whatever it takes to get myself where I need to be. Stubborn Taurus to the end, basically. Also, there is a damn fine line between being brave and being foolhardy. I’m not quite sure where one ends and the other begins though, but anyway. I’ve never done anything the normal way anyway, and it’s not like I’m going to start now.

So that leaves me here, at yet another cross road in this epic journey. If ever I lived and breathed by my motto (life is the journey, not the destination) it is now… eish. If it wasn’t for Patron, espresso, my awesome mom, the friends who have gotten me out and kept me distracted, the ones who have patiently listened to my increasingly bleak woes over the past month, the ones who finally just told me to effing DO IT already (yes you doc, much as I know it was hard to say it) and the ones I have bailed on time and time again, because I was sick, miserable, deadline stricken or flat out slit my wrists exhausted… then I don’t know where I would have found the strength to get up and face the world. That is what support feels like – it’s not about expecting people to feel sorry for you or do something, it’s about getting off your ass and meeting people half way.

I honestly don’t know what lies in store next. I’m starting to level out at last, and I have an awesome hair cut and I have an awesome weekend ahead. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I am slowly feeling like I have found my feet again. Funny how it’s only then, when you feel that sense of regaining control, that you finally realise how close you have been standing to the edge.

Keeping me from that edge, it’s all about the little things right now…

* Espresso – in the morning and in the afternoon
* Vida double lattes
* Sweetie Pie chocolates at lunch
* Heavenly perfume
* Patron and distraction on Long Street
* Kings of Leon
* Dexter reruns
* Cheese spread on corn thins
* Woolies Chococcino milk and Fair Cape Hazelnut Latte
* Park Street moments like this and this
* Lunchtime missions in Lifestyles on Kloof with crazy co-workers
* Gossip Girl
* Law & Order
* My battered microwave warmer thing
* Feather duvets and marshmallow coloured bedding in pink and white
* Psycho analysis and epic Gtalk chats during the afternoon slump
* Red Bull to get me through the midnight hurdles
* Hot bubble baths
* Wine (red, white, sparkling – whatever!)
* Calling my mom for endless patience, support and advice
* Seeing Sonic relaxed and happy
* Watching the kitten do his hilarious water game thing on the kitchen floor
* Retail therapy
* Reconnecting with a very old, very awesome friend from the past
* Strange but cool compliments
* Updating my hair do
* New horizons and infinite opportunities
* Getting out of the city
* Post-deadline bliss!

One day at a time, and soon this biatch of a month will be over along with this slump.

a perfect espresso!

My co-worker has fine-tuned his espresso making skills to perfection, and manages to get the foam to that perfect thickness, and the coffee without the bitterness. Of course, they are also strong enough to put hair on your chest, but that is what makes espresso the ultimate caffeine kick. As for what makes an espresso kick serious ass, it comes down to two things mostly:

1. The Beans

2. The Machine

You just cannot expect a decent espresso with crappy ground coffee. Good quality beans are essential, and they need to be freshly ground. Then there is the machine. The KitchenAid Artisan Espresso Machine is extremely lust-worthy but also ridiculously expensive at over R9k but that is along the lines of a proper machine to do the job. Sadly, the combo ones like my Russell Hobbes coffee/espresso/cappuccino one are just never going to do as good a job.

Of course, it also comes down to how you make them too – using the right temperature water, and getting the foam just right and the balance right too is not as easy as it seems. I can barely make filter coffee that anyone other than myself can tolerate, and I stand in awe of the espresso machine at this point so am a little wary of trying to get that particular skill right… but I think I may just have to start learning.

Because quite honestly, a day without espresso just isn’t quite the same anymore. *sigh*

MTV TJ @LivitLuvit doing her thang

If you aren’t following @LivitLuvit, then now would be a good time to start. This chick is doing some awesome things in her mission to become a MTV Twitter Jockey, not least her #savethefurbabies campaign – which aims to raise funds and awareness for shelters in the US to get people to adopt, donate or help in any other way they can.

have you *ever*, just look at that face!

It’s no secret that I love my own FurBabies (pains in the butt they may be!), and while these two are not rescue kittehs, many of the cats we had growing up have been rescued. Here in South Africa we have HUGE numbers of cats, dogs, kittens and puppies sitting around waiting to be adopted or put down at shelters across the country – some may be lucky enough to find homes, others may be sent back and forth many times, before living out the rest of their lives at a no kill shelter. Then there are the ones who don’t get much of a chance at all, and are put down without days of arriving at the shelter.

Those in the US can check out LiLu’s super rad campaign over here to find out how they can help. You can also vote for her in the MTV TJ search by clicking right here.

For us South African peeps, consider adopting a pet rather than buying – the chance to save a cat or dog, and make a difference to a rescue animal makes it one of the best things you can do. DARG, TEARS and the SPCA are just some of the options you have to find your own FurBaby.

Let’s be inspired by the #savethefurbabies campaign and see how we can use Twitter to do some good!

the psychic calamari

While I am thrilled to see Spain beat out Germany, without a doubt the biggest winner of this whole damn event (well, other than FIFA of course) has got to be Paul the Octopus, who has risen to fame with his spot on predictions for the German games. Tonight was Paul’s sixth correct prediction, despite being based at an aquarium in Germany. While some Germans hoped that Paul was trying to lure the Spanish into a false sense of security, Paul doesn’t mess about – he knows his shiz!

British by birth, this psychic calamari is also on Peta’s radar and the animal rights groups have all been lobbying to get Paul released. The fact that he hatched in an aquarium and has never had to forage for food in his life is something they seem to have missed, but anyway – now Paul is famous, he will hopefully get an uber pimped out tank. That is, unless he isn’t battered and deep fried for turning traitor against the Germans!

So how does he do it exactly? It’s pretty oracle like – when his trainers present him with food boxes marked with flags, Paul takes a moment before selecting one. So far, without fail this World Cup, he has managed to pick the winning team.

Please also check out his awesome Wikipedia page. Not many invertaebrates can boast celeb status like this, pretty darn cool if you ask me.

What I’m wondering is if he can only predict German wins/losses, or if he can tell us if Spain will take it to the max on Sunday and kick some orange butt?

creepy ghost hotel

Today has really sucked. These antibiotics are killing me, I can’t even enjoy my espresso without heartburn ruining my caffeine mojo, and nothing seems to help. Work has been equally insufferable, and to add to my stress, have finally had to accept that I’m trying to take on too much freelance work too. Turning down a rather large project for one my my oldest clients this evening was really not easy, but I am just not coping as it is – a huge project would really throw things off balance.

Chasing deadlines again… hard to believe it’s been about six months since I was last doing this much. I have to try so hard to keep the panic down, because of course stress is *awesome* with heartburn. Meh.

Anyway, a few nice things happened today…

1. I had a divine pomegranate and cranberry scone from Well Cafe
2. There was a double rainbow over the mountain at lunchtime
3. I had Vida double latte (and damn the heartburn!)
4. I felt inspired about something on the work front for a change
5. I made smoothies for the first time in aaages

On the sucky side, I also managed to cut open my finger when making above-mentioned smoothies – stupid ass passion fruit are hard to cut when your hands are covered in juice! Still, was a good smoothie at least.

The Netherlands are in a 1:1 headlock with the asshole Uruguay cheaters, but at this point I don’t care. As long as Spain go through tomorrow and the cheaters lose at some point, whoever beats Uruguay tonight is irrelevant to me.

One step closer to the weekend, and my smile has been returned to my dial tonight.

loving the trashy faux chanel vibe

Today has been rather mild and arb, which is great – Mondays suck enough as it is, but shitty ones are the pits. I’m reaching new levels in my caffeine appreciation, and with espresso in the morning and a double Vida latte (and quattro – sigh) at lunch, I was at least vaguely awake today.

In addition to Vida fix, I also managed to find a cool new handbag at Xupa Xupa – and it’s big enough to fit in my BlackBerry and assorted goeters, bonus. Also, it has a rad leopard print lining. I was meant to get a hat, but that didn’t quite happen. Maybe next time, who knows.

In other news, I have started researching haunted hotels for some inspiration and research for my book. There are some amazing ones out there… old, gloomy, stately, trashy – each with its own story to tell. I’ve always been fascinated with urban decay, and forgotten old hotels hold a special appeal somehow. The most awesome part of this little process has been seeing pictures and somehow recognising the rooms – they’ve been there in my mind all along, but finding all these old pictures has just brought them into sharper focus and honed the images to what they need to be. I am determined to get this damn book done by the end of the year, really really have to push through and do it!

With the end of the World Cup now in sight, I’m already feeling a bit sad that all of this is going to be over at the end of this week. I’m not such a fan of The Netherlands, but I still want to see them kick some Uruguay ass (like most of Africa!). Come Wednesday however, I’ll be rooting for Spain – not sure how it’s going to go though. Really been full of surprises all round, so who knows who will end up claiming the final match.

Monday isn’t even properly finished, and already I am longing for Patron and weekend mayhem. *sigh*

welcome to my idea of heaven...

Well, Sunday night is here once again. It’s been a bit of a weird weekend, some awesome parts, some tragic parts and some er, hazy parts. After being off sick for most of the week, and after the utterly devastating Ghana defeat I have been especially in need of some zen boosting and a spot of shopping, lunch with my aunt, night out with my wingchick and nice work/life balance did the trick, so on that front, mission accomplished!

Here are some wicked kief happiness boosters of late…

* Rambo II (especially after *that* game on Friday)
* Hot bubble baths
* Spain kicking some Paraguay ass last night
* Sad Argentinians on Long Street
* Awesome vibe on Long Street
* Patron
* Avo and brie and gerkin
* Shoe HQ in Woodstock (seriously, like oh em gee – that place!!)
* Hot new boots
* Short dresses and tights
* New perfume
* Silly kittens
* World Cup tourist mayhem all day every day
* Old skool R ‘n B and hip hop a la Salt ‘n Pepa, Silk and Public Enemy
* Scarves (the bigger, the better)
* Feather duvet
* Fluffy slippers
* Hot chocolate
* Espresso (because caffeine is always good, always!)
* My beloved BlackBerry
* Coats
* Day dreams and distractions
* Old James Bond flicks
* Twitter community
* The Signal Hill farm horses
* The mountain
* Wardrobe on Kloof Street
* Kings of Leon (especially this song)
* Sunny winter days in Cape Town
* Flags and fans everywhere!

To round off the zen lovin’, here is one of the all time bestest songs to push us into Monday on a cheerful note… turn up the volume as high as you can and enjoy this shiz.