I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin’ insane
Tryin’ to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn’t get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin’ a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

It’s Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It’s Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright
It’s Amazing
And I’m sayin’ a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot’s a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life’s a journey not a destination
And I just can’t tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn’t listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin’ to survive
Scratchin’ to stay
Alive

~ Aerosmith – Amazing

Damien Rice – 9 Crimes

Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you

It’s the wrong time
For somebody new
It’s a small crime
And I got no excuse

And is that alright? Yeah
Give my gun away when it’s loaded
That alright? Yeah
If you don’t shoot it how am I supposed to hold it?

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has only just begun to form
crop circles in the carpet
sinking feeling

spin me round again
and rub my eyes,
this can’t be happening
when busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy

hide and seek
trains and sewing machines
all those years
they were here first

~ Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek

P.S. This is my first post on my new laptop, it is awesome and fast and just downright amazing to work on a laptop that well, works.

You might not know this, but there is a fine art to B grade. It is a genre in itself almost, and it takes a lot for movies to qualify for proper B grade status. Movies that try too hard to be bad, or horrors that try to be funny just never hit the mark, while movies and horrors that are too good also don’t quite get it right. To be well and truly within the realms of really bad B grade, a movie needs to be so bad that the general public slates it, critics destroy it, and in the case of Cool as Ice, the director disowns it. Yup yup, that kinda bad.

But at the same time, the movie also has to have a huge entertainment value. Boring bad movies will never reach the next level, and neither will bad movies that don’t have at least a few memorable lines. A failed star is also a plus, as is a very ridiculous storyline that makes no sense whatsoever.

Yup yup, she likes me!

When I first watched Cool as Ice, I was about 15 or so. Me and a friend of mine used to spend hours watching movies, smoking menthols and painting our nails. Cool as Ice made a huge impression on us, and added to our already Americanised vocabulary that had also been strongly shaped by Clueless. Right down the handshake, cringe. Little did I know however, that once the vocab got old, the love for extremely bad B grade would still remain, for the rest of my life.

Vanilla Ice / Johnny Bravo... one and the same!

Since then, the obsession has continued – I began to build up a small but treasured collection of trashy horror movies from the Checkers bargain bins, and my sister and I would watch Kung Pow over and over again, with the same sense of glee. ETV and their wonderful late night movies proved an ongoing source of B grade, and even SABC3 would occasionally deliver the goods, like late last night for instance when they showed Cool as Ice.

10 things you need to know about Cool as Ice:

1. Vanilla Ice can dance like a maniac, love him or hate him
2. Dancing like said maniac on the stoep to pass time is clearly not an issue
3. Bad boys are nearly always called Johnny, and I think almost every girl has known a few in her time
4. The only thing hotter than guys on bikes is guys flying over cars on bikes
5. I need to learn how to bust some of those 90s dance moves
6. “Drop that zero and get with the hero!” – learn it and use it!
7. Quickness, cooling and schling a schlong – pimping your vocab
8. No-one wore it better than Vanilla Ice
9. The director later went on to disown the movie
10. When you’re that cool, you need sunglasses all the time – day or night

So now you know why I have such godawful taste in movies. What can I say, it’s better than having a secret love for period dramas at least, amirite?

Ja ja jaded
In all it’s misery
It will always be what I love
And hated
And maybe take a ride to the other side
We’re thinkin’ of
We’ll slip into the velvet glove
And be jaded

~ Aerosmith – Jaded

Letting go is an amazing feeling. It’s like unlearning all those things we learn from all the bad experiences that change us, making us closed off, jaded and brittle. Releasing all that shit that we carry around, that’s been holding us back for so long.

It’s like getting another chance to live and love life with abandon again, without those walls that always came up to ruin everything.

Pretty awesome indeed, actually.

Guns ‘n Roses – November Rain

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin’ when I hold you
Don’t you know I feel the same
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it’s hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
We’ve been through this such a long long time
Just tryin’ to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one’s really sure who’s lettin’ go today
Walking away
If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin’ that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me
then darlin’ don’t refrain
Or I’ll just end up walkin’
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time…on your own
Do you need some time…all alone
Everybody needs some time…on their own
Don’t you know you need some time…all alone
I know it’s hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn’t time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time…on my
own Sometimes I need some time…all alone
Everybody needs some time…on their own
Don’t you know you need some time…all alone

And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain, ohhh yeahhh
I know that you can love me
When there’s no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way
‘Cause nothin’ lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Don’t ya think that you need somebody
Don’t ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You’re not the only one
You’re not the only one

Every year, Eminem seems to surprise us with stuff that isn’t just angry, but is also heartbreakingly honest and loaded with emotion. When I heard Space Bound on a Gossip Girl 4 episode today, I was blown away by the song. Still the same angry, raw feelings – still the same obsessive take on love. But somehow, there is something beautiful in these lyrics.

Beautiful and oh so sad.

Eminem – Space Bound

We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn’t much
But it’s enough to make me wonder what’s in store for us
It’s lust, it’s torturous, you must be a sorceress
Cause you just did the impossible, gained my trust
Don’t play games it’ll be dangerous if you fuck me over
Cause if I get burnt, Imma show ya what it’s like to hurt
Cause I’ve been treated like dirt befo’ ya
And love is “evol”, spell it backwards, I’ll show ya

Nobody knows me, I’m cold, walk down this road all alone
It’s no one’s fault but my own, it’s the path I’ve chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever, so
Don’t ask me why I have no love for these mo’fuckin’ hoes

Blood-suckin’ succubuses, what the fuck is up with this?
I’ve tried in this department, but, I ain’t had no luck with this
It sucks but it’s exactly what I thought it would be like tryin’ to start over
I’ve got a hole in my heart from some kind of emotional roller-coasta’;
Somethin’ I won’t go on till you toy with my emotions, so it’s over
It’s like an explosion every time I hold ya, wasn’t jokin’ when I told ya
You take my breath away, you’re a supernova
And I’m a…

I’m a space-bound rocketship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aimin’ right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I’m aimin’ right at you
Right at you
Right at you

I’ll do whatever it takes, when I’m with you, I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain’t with you, I have zero strength
There’s no limit on how far I would go, no boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we think’s
Gonna be that one and then once we get ‘em, it’s never the same
You want ‘em when they don’t want you, soon as they do, feelin’s change
It’s not a contest and I ain’t on no conquest for no mate
I wasn’t lookin’ when I stumbled onto you, musta been fate
But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take, let’s cut to the chase
‘Fore the door shuts in your face, promise me if I cave in and break
And leave myself open that I won’t be makin’ a mistake
Cause I’m a

I’m a space-bound rocketship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aimin’ right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles on a clear night in June
And I’m aimin’ right at you
Right at you
Right at you

So after a year and 6 months, it’s no longer me that you want
But I love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once
I poured my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to God
I’ll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms
Drop to my knees and I’m pleadin’, I’m tryin’ to stop you from leavin’
You won’t even listen, so fuck it, I’m tryin’ to stop you from breathin’
I put both hands on your throat, I sit on top of you, squeezin’
Til’ I snap your neck like a Popsicle stick, ain’t a possible reason
I can think of to let you walk up out this house and let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks, then I let you go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple, I told you this

And I would’ve did anything for you
To show you how much I adored you
But it’s over now, it’s too late to save our
Love
Just promise me you’ll think of me
Every time you look up in the sky and see a star
Cuz I’m a

I’m a space-bound rocketship and your heart’s the moon
And I’m aimin’ right at you
Right at you
250, 000 miles and a clear night in June
And I’m so lost without you
Without you
Without you

There’s a scene in True Blood season 3 where Bill the ‘procurer’ goes into a strip club to procure dinner for Russell, Lorena and himself. If you’re a True Blood fan, you’ll know exactly which scene I mean. It’s a sad, sultry and somehow empty scene, with a stripper who’s given up on life and a vampire who has ended his human life. So it’s rather fitting that Massive Attack is the soundtrack for this little moment.

Paradise Circus is just how I like my Massive Attack… mesmerising, sensual and more than a little dark. Just about right for True Blood, and just about right for an overcast Monday morning.

It’s unfortunate that when we feel a storm
We can roll ourselves over cause we’re uncomfortable
Oh well, the devil makes us sin
But we like it when we’re spinning in his grip.

Love is like a sin my love
For the ones that feel it the most
Look at her, with her eyes like a flame
She will love you like a fly will never love you…
Again.

~ Massive Attack – Paradise Circus

P.S. While we’re on a Massive Attack trip down the rabbit hole, take a listen to Psyche and take it down way, way deeper! *goosebumps*

Into the night
Shadows fall
Shadows fall so blue.
I cry out
I cry out for you.

~ Julee Cruise/Angelo Dadalamenti – Into The Night

It wasn’t all bad today. I got some new Essie nail polishes, including this very divine nude/pink tone called ‘Eternal Optimist‘ and a gorgeous dark pinky red shade. But mostly, after a rough weekend, it was a tough day. Too many thoughts, worries and unresolved issues to try and process, and of course, plenty of work to finalise.

So what girls like me do on days like these, other than pour a glass of wine and feel sorry for ourselves, is listen to suitable music that suits our mood. For me, it was the Twin Peaks soundtrack. As anyone who’s followed my blog for a while knows, Twin Peaks has a very special place in my heart. A friend of my uncle’s used to tape it for my late cousin and I, and we would watch it religiously every weekend. To us back in those days, Cop Cooper was the epitome of cool, and even back then I was enthralled by the weird and distorted shows. When we were a bit older, we got hold of the book (Secret Diary of Laura Palmer, which I still have, battered as it may be!) and of course the soundtrack. We played that music to death, and we taped ourselves singing along to the backing tracks. Falling still takes me back to those days, and gives me a bit of a lump in my throat thinking of my cousin.

But it’s Into The Night that I’ve been thinking of today. Because lately, I’m finding that night time is bringing a sense of peace to my frazzled nerves and easing the worries and mehs of the daytime. It used to be the other way around, but over the past few months, I can feel myself visibly relaxing as soon as the clock starts ticking past 6pm or so. Maybe it’s because I turn off my chat around that time, and everyone has gone home and I can focus on work or chillax and just breath without having to talk or think. I don’t know.

What I do know is that no matter how bad my day might be, I know that the night will be better and for a few hours anyway until I wake up again, my thoughts can switch off for a while. It’s comforting in so many ways.

Eddie Vedder... man what a hot legend!

Growing up, my dad and I seldom saw eye to eye when it came to music. He was of the old skool ‘legend’ generation – blues rock was the be all and end all, and he never got my love for Nirvana or Guns ‘n Roses. Pearl Jam however was another story – this was one of the only bands that we both agreed was teh awesome. He used to have the Vs album, and we both played it to death. Later down the line, I discovered my all time favourite Pearl Jam album: Vitalogy. Nothingman, Better man and one of my all-time favourites, Immortality. Last Kiss became my favourite a bit later, so much that a certain friend of mine (you know who you are nyak!) once played it over the phone for me. Aaah, good times.

So, you can imagine how happy I was yesterday when I discovered a massive mixed folder of Pearl Jam tracks on my HD. With all my favourites and then some. So much of awesomeness going through it, phew.

Because it’s still been a meh week, even if it’s Friday today, some Pearl Jam hits the spot just right. Here are my top 3 favourite classics that I have been playing to death since re-discovering them yesterday:

1. Immortality

Do yourself a favour and Google the lyrics to this song – pure poetry! I also like the Seether version, although Eddie gives it more feeling somehow.

2. Black

The most beautiful and haunting love song ever – honestly. Goosebumps, every single time.

3. Last Kiss

This song came out the year I’d just left school, and it never gets old. Sad but so beautiful.

What are your favourite Pearl Jam songs?