1. Sawyer and his frowns

2. Sawyer and those dimples

3. Sawyer wet and shirtless

4. "Don't tell me what I can't do!"

5. The crazy, brilliant plot

What are your favourite things about Lost?

So I’ve recently jumped onto the Entourage wagon, and am amazed that it took me this long to start watching! It took me all of a few minutes into the first episode of season 1 to become well and truly hooked – everything about it, from the hilarious dialogue, brilliant storylines, celeb appearances and kick-ass soundtrack, all the way through to gorgeous Vincent, sweet Eric, neurotic Johnny Drama, stoner Turtle and of course, the beyond legendary Ari Gold.

Adrian Grenier (who plays Vincent) reminds me so much of the boys I used to know back in the day – something so yummy about that scruffy, blue-eyed, easy going hot mess… even with the terrible hair and even more awful fashion sense. Also love how Vince is super zen-like. Interestingly enough, the show is actually based on Mark Wahlberg’s early days in Hollywood, and every character is taken from a real life person in his life. Yup, even Ari Gold!

If you need any more motivation to watch Entourage, just take a look at these classic Ari moments from season 1 and two. Too effing hysterical for words – this shiz is why I was up until 2am last night.

You might not know this, but there is a fine art to B grade. It is a genre in itself almost, and it takes a lot for movies to qualify for proper B grade status. Movies that try too hard to be bad, or horrors that try to be funny just never hit the mark, while movies and horrors that are too good also don’t quite get it right. To be well and truly within the realms of really bad B grade, a movie needs to be so bad that the general public slates it, critics destroy it, and in the case of Cool as Ice, the director disowns it. Yup yup, that kinda bad.

But at the same time, the movie also has to have a huge entertainment value. Boring bad movies will never reach the next level, and neither will bad movies that don’t have at least a few memorable lines. A failed star is also a plus, as is a very ridiculous storyline that makes no sense whatsoever.

Yup yup, she likes me!

When I first watched Cool as Ice, I was about 15 or so. Me and a friend of mine used to spend hours watching movies, smoking menthols and painting our nails. Cool as Ice made a huge impression on us, and added to our already Americanised vocabulary that had also been strongly shaped by Clueless. Right down the handshake, cringe. Little did I know however, that once the vocab got old, the love for extremely bad B grade would still remain, for the rest of my life.

Vanilla Ice / Johnny Bravo... one and the same!

Since then, the obsession has continued – I began to build up a small but treasured collection of trashy horror movies from the Checkers bargain bins, and my sister and I would watch Kung Pow over and over again, with the same sense of glee. ETV and their wonderful late night movies proved an ongoing source of B grade, and even SABC3 would occasionally deliver the goods, like late last night for instance when they showed Cool as Ice.

10 things you need to know about Cool as Ice:

1. Vanilla Ice can dance like a maniac, love him or hate him
2. Dancing like said maniac on the stoep to pass time is clearly not an issue
3. Bad boys are nearly always called Johnny, and I think almost every girl has known a few in her time
4. The only thing hotter than guys on bikes is guys flying over cars on bikes
5. I need to learn how to bust some of those 90s dance moves
6. “Drop that zero and get with the hero!” – learn it and use it!
7. Quickness, cooling and schling a schlong – pimping your vocab
8. No-one wore it better than Vanilla Ice
9. The director later went on to disown the movie
10. When you’re that cool, you need sunglasses all the time – day or night

So now you know why I have such godawful taste in movies. What can I say, it’s better than having a secret love for period dramas at least, amirite?

The awesomeness that is Agent Cooper

The first and foremost reason that I love this show so much is that it is just so weird. David Lynch makes even the most arb, mundane suburban scene into something dark and twisted, and everything is always just a bit out of synch. Then there is Agent Dale Cooper… I loved him back then, and I love him even more now. The investigative methods that involved a list of names, stones, ricochets and bottles had my sister and I in stitches, especially when you compare that to CSI and all their fancy methods.

The baddies are super scary and bad, and the other characters are just as I remembered them to be. The soundtrack, the scenery, that dwarf dude and the epic Lynch-style dreams… it all adds up to a super surreal and brilliant series that modern day shows just can never quite match.

I really hope that I will get time to make my way through the box set – may end up working over the holidays, but as long as I can have some series slumming time, I am happy!

Here are some of my favourite series from this year:

1. True Blood

From the very episode of season 1, and those first few minutes of a dark road illuminated by car headlights, I was hooked. Believe me, I’m not the vampire show type – I was never a goth, I have never been into vamp literature and I think Twilight is a joke. A bad joke. But True Blood… this was different. Clever, outrageous, gory, sexy and addictive and with a realist aspect that made it even more brilliant. I got through the first two seasons and had pretty much caught up by the time that season 3 had reached halfway. Then it ended, and like the rest of fans all over the world, the wait for season 4 began. The Sookie Stackhouse books at least proved to be a worthy diversion, but still… June seems a long way off.

2. Burn Notice

For some reason I only got to watching Burn Notice a few months ago, despite the fact that it had been sitting on my HD for some time. I love this show for so many reasons – the great characters, the OTT storyline, the action and of course the subtle but hilarious humour that is injected into each episode. Also, the fact that it is set in Miami makes all the more appealing. Spy shows are second only to cop shows in my book, and I was bleak when I ran out of episodes three quarters into the third season. Sigh.

3. Modern Family

I will admit that I didn’t quite get into this the first time I tried to watch it – something about the first episode just didn’t gel. When I gave it another chance at actually got through the first few minutes, I was in stitches however! The mockumentary style is brilliantly done, and the characters are so instantly recognisable as people that we all know. Add a killer dialogue and a great storyline, and you can see why this show has become such a hit. I’ve watched it a few times, and every time it’s as funny as the first time.

4. Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl is a great show for many, many reasons. The amazing fashion, the crazy storyline, the characters, the love complications, the fantastic New York backdrop… it all adds up into one fabulously OTT series that makes you fervently wish that you could somehow have been born into a rich Manhattan family. Having just finished Gossip Girl 2 on SABC 3 (yes, they are that behind), I started Gossip Girl 3 right afterwards. This was one of the best seasons for me, not least because this was when we got to see a sensitive and ‘real’ side to Chuck Bass. The ending was also one of the most intense endings in a series yet, and since I haven’t started season 4, I still have no idea what to expect. I’m waiting until I have enough episodes to adequately series slum because I’m weird like that.

5. Trauma

Ok, this one I have been watching on SABC 3 but still – Trauma is turning out to be outstanding as far as I’m concerned. Sadly, the critics and network don’t share my views however; the show was cancelled after just one season. I might be easy to please, but I’ve never been able to resist a good drama – especially with medical stuff and police action thrown in. The storyline is fairly solid, with great characters and plenty of high-paced action each episode as well as the ‘human spirit’ angle to balance it out. Too bad we won’t get a season 2 though. By the way, if you search for ‘trauma’ on Google Images, be sure to add ‘series’ to your search query… wish I could un-see some of the images that came up looking for this promo pic!

Other notable mentions include Dexter 4 (John Lithgow especially, phew!), Heroes 5 (tragic that this is the end, no more Sylar!), Gladiator (hot.men.in.tiny.outfits), Vampire Diaries (other than Damon, kinda okish in an emo way) and 30 Rock (always hilarious).

What have your favourite series been this year?

quite fine with this gladiator vibe

So I really was starting to feel quite desolate at having to wait for the return of True Blood, until I finally got around to watching Spartacus. This gem has been sitting on my HD for a good few months, and if I had known what sort of awesomeness lay ahead, I would never have waited this long to watch!

poor, sad, spartacus on a mission for revenge...

Spartacus is one of those ‘historical’ type series, focusing on the ancient Thracian hero to the slaves and gladiators. If they’d had shows like this when I was in school, I might have actually had some interest in history, but alas, we had to sit through boring documentaries and stuff instead. Anyway, moving swiftly along, here are some of the reasons why gladiators are the new vamps, and why you have to stop whatever series you’re currently watching and watch the epic carnage and manly displays of manliness that is Spartacus:

* It’s straight out carnage and mayhem, with crazy gore and more ‘lustful’ moments than any True Blood episode you’ve seen.
* I hate to say it, but I think that Spartacus (aka Andy Whitfield) *may* just be a worthy contender to the current favourite eye-candy that is vampire Eric (aka Askars).
* These dudes spent not just most, but pretty much the ENTIRE time in those gladiator outfits. I’ll let that image sink in a bit.
* The plot is pretty good too, if you like your shows on the hardcore, hectic side of the spectrum – just don’t even try to watch if you are in any way squeamish.
* The cattiness and frenemy vibes of the Roman upper class wives of the gladiator owner and soldier dude is pretty funny.
* The filming is quite out of this world, and takes on a very surreal, 3D video game effect – especially during the gory fight bits.
* Spartacus is one of the cooler characters to come out of a series for a while… especially when he goes mental and starts throwing axe/sword/whatever else is at hand.

I rest my case - this alone is reason to watch!

The bad news? Tragically, Andy Whitfield will not be returning to the show for a second season after being diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma. When the actor went into remission, there was some talk of him returning, however the latest reports state that he will no longer be rejoining due to further treatment.

There is light at the end of the tunnel for fans however, because there are talks about none other than Wentworth Miller taking over the lead role. While Wenty is always great to watch, I doubt he can ever really do the role as well as Andy, and I think they actually see Chace Crawford doing a better job (is it the eyebrows maybe?) but for now anyway, the show will go on. Spartacus 2 is set to resume in January 2010.

I was quite outraged to come across this Time List of top 10 Most Violent Movies, only to see that they rated 300 and *gasp* Passion of the Christ, ack and even Hostel (!!!) but they didn’t even mention A Serbian Film or Martyrs (or Dead Snow come to think of it). In fact, on closer inspection, I had to wonder if Time either have a very lazy film editor or they just don’t watch the heavy stuff at all. I don’t know, it was all quite strange.

The list that they gave over here was as follows:

1. The Passion of the Christ
2. 300
3. Cannibal Holocaust
4. Kill Bill
5. The Wild Bunch
6. I Spit on Your Grave
7. Hostel
8. Battle Royale
9. A Clockwork Orange
10. High Tension

Clearly, I beg to differ. I have seen maybe half of these and heard about every single one of them (except Cannibal Holocaust, which I am now amped to see), and while some could maybe make the cut, I really don’t think they have put much effort into this list at all.

violent movie list miss fail

My top 10 must violent movies would look more like this…

1. Martyrs (how much more violent do you get than being skinned alive?!)
2. A Serbian Film (all I can say is eye rape, and that was one of the softer parts)
3. Dead Snow (cheesy and Norwegian as it is, those zombies pull people apart!)
4. Ichi the Killer (I don’t even know where to start here…)
5. Antichrist (not sure that anyone can forget that moment with the scissors)
6. Faces of Death (really realz footage, sheesh)
7. Header (you don’t want to know, trust me)
8. Sin City (some may disagree, but I will always remember Kevin, *shudders*)
9. Guinea Pig Series (something I still need to get my hands on, quite the shocker)
10. The Lion King (I will NEVER forget Simba’s father’s death scene)

another violent movie list omission fail

I’m just kidding about the last one, but really – I’ve seen True Blood episodes that could blow the Time list out of the water. In fact, the entire season 3 could top that list without breaking a sweat. Is it just that people are sticking to mainstream, or do people really find 300 and silly old Mel Gibson’s masterpiece that hardcore? Or am I missing something here?

What are the most violent movies you have watched, and could someone remind me again why we like to watch these things?

Horror #1 - Martyrs

Horror #1 was Martyrs, a French new wave horror by Pascal Laugier. French new wave extremity is trending in a big way internationally, but in France they have yet to see the appeal of highly disturbing movies. The filming, the acting, the storyline and the message are unreal – the kind of movie that you think of long after it’s finished. The movie tells the story of Lucie, a young girl who was held hostage and tortured as a child. She is taken to an orphanage, where she meets Anna. 15 years later, she goes into the home of a seemingly normal family and shoots them all dead – as it turns out, for good reason. I won’t say more than that, but I will tell you that you will NEVER be able to work out the twist, in fact you will unlikely be able to work it out totally, even after watching it. Much as the Twilight producer thinks that he can make a dumbed down American version, this is one movie that can never be remade – see the original NOW before it is butchered!

Horror #2 - Antichrist

Horror #2 was Antichrist, a gem produced by Danish film legend Lars von Trier. This one is in English, and has Willem Dafoe in the male lead and Charlotte Gainsbourg in the female lead. I have never seen such a beautifully filmed movie, especially not a horror, and this one just totally blew me away. Set in four chapters, with a prologue and an epilogue, the movie tells the tale of a man and woman coming to terms with the loss of their child. There are some pretty graphic scenes (let’s just say that Willem Dafoe had a penis double!), and some extremely upsetting and disturbing scenes that will not doubt offend many people. But if you like super intense art house horrors that are loaded with symbolism, exquisite filming and haunting plots, then this is a must-see!

I don’t think I can say which is better, because both were incredible. In some ways, these were more hectic than A Serbian Film, because they are more than just shock horrors… they are thinking movies, that broaden the mind and warp your soul. For really realz.

If anyone can recommend something to top these, bring it on. But right now, I think I have pretty much hit new levels of mind adjustment.

Awesomeness.

That said, if you haven’t seen Vampire Diaries or seen what Ian Somerhalder looks like, take a look at this…

rocking the whole facial hair vibe

In the show, Damon is this uber hot badass vampire who is the brother of this geeky Dawson’s Creek type vampire. The geeky one is kinda arb and annoying, you end up wishing someone would accidentally on purpose splash some holy water on him, or steal his ‘sunlight protector’ ring (yes, new age vampires have such things, who knew!) or just stake him in the heart or something, but Damon is pretty cool.

awesomeness

It’s like Gossip Girl with more blood and fangs, basically. And a super hot bad boy vampire. What’s not to like?

A &*%$ hectic film

When everyone (including seasoned horror critics reviewing the film) tells you not to watch something, and reviews include descriptions like ‘rape of the soul’, you know it’s a) going to be hectic and b) something you have to watch, despite the warnings. A Serbian Film is one such movie.

Directed by Srdjan Spasojevic, this avant garde horror makes all the Saw and Hostel type of American torture porn flicks look like Disney – it really is that insane. Some are less affected than others, but the fact remains – this movie takes the genre to a completely OTT level. If you are in any way squeamish, or you can’t handle the hardcore stuff, do not even try and watch this. Even with a pretty good plot, with plenty of warped twists, good acting, beautiful camera work and an ominously awesome soundtrack, you cannot get away from the fact that A Serbian Film is a dark, violent and deeply disturbing movie. The director aimed to bring home a strong message about the Serbian climate, saying, “This is a diary of our own molestation by the Serbian government… It’s about the monolithic power of leaders who hypnotize you to do things you don’t want to do. You have to feel the violence to know what it’s about.”

Many critics argue that it’s more about shock value and overkill, while some agree that maybe it is about symbolism. After managing to sit through this fairly long movie (including the last hour, which is pretty much 60 minutes of gore, violence and sheer insanity), I honestly don’t know what to say. That something like this could come out of Serbia is quite something, that it has some of message, I don’t know… but what I can say is that much like Itchi the Killer has made me sit up and take notice of Japanese horror, A Serbian Film has made me realise just how little mainstream cinema really understands the genre.

If you can handle it, and you want to see one of the most disturbing movies on the planet (really, this will be the convo topic for weeks to come among my friends who’ve seen it), then go ahead and watch A Serbian Film. But do yourself a favour and read the reviews (at home!) before assuming you know what you’re in for… some parts are really not safe for ANYWHERE, let alone work.

You have been warned.