Roxilla

*meh*

I started off this year with just one goal in mind – I was going to do my utmost to cut down on stress, and live a happy and balanced life. Almost five months in, and I’m starting to notice an ever so teeny slip back into my bad habits. I can’t remember when I last went for a run, and while this cold kinda hit me with a vengeance, I can’t entirely blame it on that. Same story with gym, and I won’t even try and find an excuse as to why I haven’t attempted any new chapters on the horror. These days I consider it an achievement if I manage to finish reading a book, so the thought of writing one is kinda abstract at this stage.

With all that said, I can at least say that there have been some healthy changes. I am finally starting to say no to more work, and am not taking on new clients at this stage as I just cannot make time anymore. Instead, I am focusing on the one or two awesome clients that I’ve built up relationships with, ensuring better work and less issues. I’m also putting in a lot of energy to my day job, and have managed to achieve some great challenges and grow in the process.

All counts for something, right?

I have also managed to finally be able to sleep properly, and don’t even use the lavender oil anymore. I try and get offline and into bed before midnight where possible, and I always ensure that I have an hour or so to chill before I start work in the evenings.

On one hand I have never felt this content and confident in who I am, and I am finally starting to understand things that I could never have really gotten in my earlier twenties. It feels like it’s all coming together, and slowly all those silly issues and concerns are melting away… leaving me with a clear idea of the path I need to take, and putting me in the right frame of mind to start kicking some serious butt.

But on the other hand…

I feel tired a lot, and I miss having the passion and energy I used to have. I miss running all the time, and I miss roundhouse kicking, and having an obsessive interest. I also find myself becoming less patient and intolerant of bull shit, and a lot of the wistfulness and whatnot also seems to have vanished. When everyone around me seems to be dreaming of white picket fences and lurve, I am vaguely wondering if I’ll see Junior the Brazilian again, and pondering world domination, ballet shoes, Victorian cottages in the city and whether I should cut my hair again or just change colour. I need to be selfish right now, and I don’t have the energy to give anything of myself away – I am only just reaching the point where I am finally starting to get past things and function at an optimal level, and I am dead set on living my thirty, flirty and thriving dream. At least for now anyway.

Tomorrow it begins… the final week of my twenties. So long, and thanks for all the baggage – but it’s time to shed my skin, throw off that baggage and step into a whole new error of Roxiliciousness!

*grins*