*insert hippo joke here*
Seriously, The Marine has got to be the funniest movie I’ve seen in a while. John Cena has the muscles and the dimples, and possibly the moves, but that’s as far as it goes. Nevertheless, you know he’s going to take on all the bad guys and come out grinning, that’s just how it goes.
What I would like to see is a movie with the hardcorest of the hardcores, LL Cool J, Van Damme, John Cena, The Rock, Vin Diesl, Sly Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan, Steven Segal, and maybe Ryan Reynolds (provided he has his shirt off throughout 90% of the movie). It would be like celebrity death match, except more awesome. The plot would be the stuff Oscar nominations are made of (or Razzies, who knows) – it would be about a whole bunch of wannabe heroes battling it out to see if the biggest ego slash hardcoreness can reign supreme. Spoiler alert: LL Cool J will win, purely because he has never been in a movie where he loses.
he's bad... but is he bad enough?
Because a movie can never be too awesome, it would be directed by Quentin Tarantino and filmed Anime style. There may be a femme fatale in it too, plus a ditsy wife or two (who would both be killed off early, allowing the hero to be freed from a life of inanity and pointlessness, and allowing him to find lasting romance with the seemingly evil femme fatale who is actually the REAL hero in the plot). This could be played by Demi Moore, or Salma Hayak.
our femme fatale
The ending would have a giant twist, and just about everyone would end up dead because we all know that only one hero can make it out of a blockbuster action biopic. Instead of running off into the sunset/away from the exploding world around them, the femme fatale would end up double-crossing the hero right at the last minute, and she would ride off in a helicopter after making him look like a chop.
knight in shining... swimwear?
The film would end with Viggo Mortenson or Paul Walker opening the private plane/helicopter door and ushering in the femme fatale safely inside. Then maybe all the slain heroes would rise again as zombies, and devour the hero as the helicopter takes off into the sunset.
Yup, I think that could work.
Demi Moore? Seriously?
Probably Salma Hyak, but I am a bit of a Demi fan. Don’t ask why, she’s just cool.
Mmm, for a femme fatale I’d vote for Milla Jovovich. And can we kill of Segal first?
Milla *could* work, and yes, Segal would definitely be killed off first, followed closely by John Cena.
Bwaha. You should write it. It will make millions
@Po, totally – box office stuff indeed, hehehe.