Roxilla

It is only Tuesday. This has been the longest week, it feels like the weekend should be here by now.

So much to process and so much to do these next two weeks, and it feels like all my bravado is melting away. It hits me at the worst times, and makes me feel so unbelievably pathetic and helpless. Partner in Crime saw my pitiful bleating on Twitter late last night and called at just the right time, and then her thoughtful gesture only made me cry harder because I felt like such an idiot. Mostly, it feels like I am meant to be stronger, and fine, and not slip up – people don’t like to see you moping, you are meant to be out partying and living the high life and scoring randoms. Being single again is fun, get out there and stop being silly! Sure I’ll get there soon enough, but right now it all just feels very, very wrong and nothing will change that or make things easier. Some days are just not good days, and you can’t just cut off emotions, much as you want to.

To add to my misery this week, an ancient filling that fell out a while ago is finally giving me trouble. This means that I have to deal with real pain on top of heart-ache. Worse, it also means a trip to the dentist this week. My whole head hurts and I am exhausted and sick of deadlines and stress and all these big decisions ahead and having to put on my game face all the time. After a stressful past couple of months, it is all just getting a bit much. Burn out central, here we come!

Just two more weeks, and this torture will be over. Some time with my sister, a fabulous Christmas and a week or so far away from the city with my cats, the gorgeous forest and meadows and fresh mountain air and a brand new year filled with new prospects and exciting changes… just two more weeks. One step in front of the other, breath in, breath out.

I am going to be fine. Better than fine!