Roxilla

View from the top of my hill

It’s that time of year where we look back at our goals, and plan our dreams for the rest of the year ahead. Usually, I enjoy this time of year, but this year has been somewhat different to previous years, so goals in the traditional sense have gone out the window.

Here’s a recap of my 2008 goals from June:

1. Going freelance
2. Getting my fight on
3. Getting some decent headway on the horror
4. Shark diving
5. Home sweet home

Well now. I managed to get #1 right, twice over. I haven’t quite gotten this right either though, maybe I should have been more specific and put ‘succeed at going freelance’?

As for getting my fight on, it’s almost laughable how far away that dream is! After a number of valiant attempts to regain the hardcore, I’ve finally faced facts and started a realistic and healthy gym routine that includes Pilates for now, and possibly Power Box and Boot Camp down the line. Power Box, sheesh… no wonder my old Muaythai instructor won’t talk to me. At least I still run though, that’s something!

I haven’t done much for my horror, but I started another book which is going a lot easier – does this count? I don’t know, but I will keep trying til I get something done.

Then we have shark cage diving, another thing I haven’t quite managed. Yet. Thing is, it’s expensive, and I am always too poor to afford it. No, make that too poor to justify it. I should make a plan though, you only live once and diving with sharks would be worth starving for a month or two, it’s practically a life-long ambition. Just do it as my uncle would say.

Last but not least, I wanted to move to some sort of house type dwelling. Another fail, but I have managed to settle quite nicely in my little flat, despite so many things breaking and not having a garden. It feels like home, so maybe I managed to achieve the home sweet home I always wanted. The thing is, I’m not sure how long I’ll stay here, and as my zen book points out, a home is just a place where you sleep – zen doesn’t have anything to do with it.

What I did manage to do was pass my drivers and acquire a car, and go back to a full-time job (even if it was just for 3 months) and survive being let go due to the recession. And I went a whole year without getting any tattoos, that’s pretty impressive, isn’t it? Hmm.

*sigh…*

Now it’s 2009, mid-year once again and my life has shifted so much I’m not sure what my dreams are anymore. I’m wary of planning or setting goals, things have a nasty way of veering off focus in my world and two thousand and fine was meant to be about winging it after all.

There are a few things I’d like to get right this next year however, they may not be life-changing things or even cool things, but I hope I manage to achieve them anyway…

1. Run a half-marathon, or another 10km race
2. Learn how to speak Swahili
3. Throw a benefit to raise money and awareness for The Homestead shelter
4. Cut out bread, for good!
5. Get a hair cut and maybe go a few shades lighter, or something
6. Get some more ink
7. Get out of this country for a while
8. Get a job
9. Make aztec ice cream again and throw a dinner party
10. Grow up

Something I’m finally starting to understand is that we don’t have to follow the usual path in life – sometimes the traditional study-work-marry-procreate path doesn’t work for us, and no matter how much we try, we are just not going to succeed if it’s not meant to be.

I don’t know what path I’m meant to be on, but the one I’ve been following the past few years has hit a dead-end, so it’s time to double back and find another path. It might be tangled up with weeds and hard to find, let alone navigate, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth following.

Life is the journey after all, not the destination.

Why is it so hard to remember that??